Critical remarks can send you to the pantry for chocolate and derail even the most motivated dieter. In my work with EFT for Weight Loss and Binge Eating, it’s important to know how to neutralize the impact of criticism and critical remarks with EFT.
During a recent teleclass on using EFT for weight loss, we discussed body image and how to manage critical remarks. One woman (I’ll call her Amy) identified 2 specific events in which she had been criticized. One was by a boyfriend at age 17, who said to her “all you have to do is slim down your thighs and you would be perfect.”
Amy struggled with perfectionism, as well as feeling like she could never live up to the expectation of others. She felt as if she needed to be perfect before she could be loved by herself or others.
With critical remarks, there are always a number of aspects that we can tap on. First is the remark itself. It’s often helpful just to tap as you repeat the words that were said.
Second, is how it makes you feel, especially how it makes you feel about yourself. Amy felt angry, hopeless and “not good enough.”
Third, is the meaning you give it, what you say to yourself, and the story that evolves from it. Amy told herself she wasn’t good enough, and felt as if she could never live up to the expectations of others.
Fourth, is what you do as a result of it. Amy spent decades trying to be perfect in order to please other people and to feel loved. Every time those feelings of anger and hopelessness were triggered, Amy turned to food to comfort herself.
Here are some of the tapping phrases we used to collapse this issue:
Even though I don’t feel good about this issue … and I hate what he said to me, I love and accept myself.
Even though he said “all you have to do is slim down your thighs and you would be perfect,” and I thought his/her opinion was very important at the time …I love and accept myself anyway.
Even though I started believing him just because he said it…I accept myself anyway.
Even though I thought I wasn’t good enough…and I thought I could never measure up to other people’s expectations… I deeply love and accept myself.
Even though I thought I had to be perfect to be loved …and it made me angry, it made me feel hopeless…I accept myself anyway.
Even though I felt hopeless, I felt so judged, and it’s costing me…it was just my reaction…to a thoughtless remark…What was he thinking, saying something like that to me? I am open to the possibility that he was doing the best he could…I may have to accept it, understand it, and maybe even forgive.
Even though I felt so hopeless and angry, I choose to know that just because he said it, doesn’t mean anything, and I choose to believe in my own worth and value.
EB: He said “all you have to do is slim down your thighs and you would be perfect.”
SE: That was his form of a compliment.
UE: It upset me … made me angry… and it’s affected me my whole life.
UN: It’s been a challenge to measure up to other people’s expectations.
CH: I’ve been hanging onto this my whole life.
CB: Believing what I was told…
UA: It made me angry.
TH: It made feel hopeless.
EB: It made me feel like I had to be perfect.
SE: And that felt impossible.
UE: I was always trying to live up to other people’s expectations.
UN: That was then and this is now…
CH: What if it’s time now to let this go?
CB: What if I could put this in perspective, and see it as just his careless remark?
UA: What was he thinking saying something like that to me?
TH: What if I could leave this in the past without any added meaning?
EB: What if it was just not about me?
SE: What if he was doing the best he could?
UE: What if I could choose to let this go?
UN: What if I could choose to see this differently?
CH: What if I am already perfect?
CB: And I don’t need to measure up to anyone’s expectations?
UA: I can’t change their opinion of me,
TH: I can’t stop people from judging me.
EB: But I can change my opinion of myself.
SE: What if I could love myself anyway, no matter what anyone says to me?
UE: What if I could feel comfortable in my own skin, no matter what?
UN: What if I could let myself relax about this?
CH: It was just a careless remark
CB: He had no idea how it would affect me.
UA: What if I could let this go…
TH: And accept myself just as I am?
Amy felt so much more peaceful after these rounds of tapping. She felt that she could leave this incident in the past and forgive the person who said it. This tapping allowed her to start to accept and love herself, independent of the opinions of others. It’s what we call Emotional Freedom.
Carol Solomon, Ph.D. MCC is a Psychologist, Certified EFT Practitioner & Master Certified Coach. She specializes in helping clients lose weight and eliminate food and weight issues. She is the author of “How To Stop Food Cravings and Lose Weight With EFT” and the EFT Weight Loss CD.