Weight Loss: When You Can’t Accept Yourself

From my inbox:

Hi Carol, I am putting together a weight loss/ healthy lifestyle class for my clients. I’m excited to see what you add in your weight loss book! I have one question, however, that I have been unable to get anyone to answer for me…

What do you do when you are doing the initial “Even though… I deeply and completely accept myself”

I have a few clients who can’t say that last part.

I muscle test and of course they are reversed but they can’t bring themselves to say they accept or love themselves. I work on coaching them through this part to no avail. I finally came up with “I choose to accept myself, or I’m willing to accept myself.”

This seems to give them some distance from those words but I’m not sure if we are accomplishing what we need to with this choice of wording. She isn’t getting very far with EFT because of her deep inner disgust and hatred for herself.

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Great question!

I have come up against this situation too, especially with weight loss clients.

They don’t accept themselves, so they don’t want to say the words.

There are several ways to handle this:

1. Explain that — "the idea is to acknowledge the problem AND accept yourself anyway. Don’t worry if you don’t feel like you can accept yourself right away."  Ask them to "say it anyway". Some people can do this, especially if you give them permission 🙂

2. Modify the words to reflect that you are "working toward" acceptance. For example:

"Even though_____________, I am working on loving and accepting myself completely."

"Even though_____________, I am starting to feel more compassion towards myself."

3. Work on the nonacceptance directly. For example:

"Even though I don’t accept myself, I choose to love and accept myself completely."

"Even though I can’t accept myself right now, I accept myself anyway."

(This is a playful paradox — used with humor and love, it can release people from being stuck!) You can also tap back and forth around the body "I accept myself" — "No, I don’t!"

"Even though I refuse to accept myself and my behavior, I want to love and accept myself."

"Even though I am not ready to accept myself, I choose to know I am working on it now."

"Even though I don’t accept my current weight, I am open to accepting myself as a person."

Just PLAY with the wording and help them to craft something that works for them.

Carol Solomon
Psychologist, Master Certified Coach and Certified EFT Practitioner, Dr. Carol Solomon is one of the world’s leading experts in using Emotional Freedom Techniques to help people lose weight without dieting, stop binge eating, and reduce anxiety and stress. She is the author of 4 Books on Emotional Freedom Techniques, the EFT Tips Newsletter, the Binge Eating Teleseminar and the EFT Weight Loss CD. Carol has a thriving coaching practice and is passionate about helping others succeed.
Carol Solomon
Carol Solomon

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One thought on “Weight Loss: When You Can’t Accept Yourself

  1. hey.. I am accepting and loving myself even though I hate some things I have done. Even though I don’t have dry eyes cause I don’t forget all my mistakes and failures..I choose work to love and accept myself completely.

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